It’s 5pm on Monday night and I just realized I haven’t done my mix tape, so I’m gonna crack open a bottle of wine and tell you a story. Someday my son will probably disown me for this. And if you are one of the 5 people who decide to join me this week, you’re welcome.
I don’t know about you, but I have Thanksgiving at my house. It’s crazy but I love it. However, starting the Saturday before it is non-stop running around, decorating, running around more, realizing I forgot one thing at the store (5 times) and running around again.
Last night (Sunday) we had our fair share of errands to do, the most important of which was going to Michael’s Craft Store at exactly 4pm when everything at the store would be an additional 25% off, and you could COMBINE COUPONS, WHAT?! So of course we were there to get one more house for our Christmas village (we add one every year) and other nonsense we didn’t need. Then we realized we were starving so we decided to drive farther away from our house to get dinner – don’t ask.
We’re driving home from dinner, we’ve got about 15 minutes to go and my Husband starts complaining that he has to pee. Really.
I say “Dude, you know they had a bathroom at the restaurant don’t you?”
“Yes, wife.” He says sarcastically. Cause you know, I was being sarcastic. “Please drive faster.”
Well, I can be a speed demon, but not with the boy in the car, so the husband had to suffer. When we finally got in the driveway, my husband barely waited for the car to stop before he booked into the house. The boy followed him, leaving me to lug all the bags in. (what’s new)
When I completed my fifth trip, took off all the winter gear (because it’s freaking 24 degrees here people!) and went into the kitchen the boy was waiting for me.
“Mom! Roscoe pooped on the floor by the front door!” (Roscoe’s favorite peeing spot)
“No he didn’t”
“Yes he did mom! And you should see all the pee! There’s tons and tons of pee!”
“Man, this is just what I need right now.”
“And mom! Wait until you see the poop, it’s Gigantic!”
I grabbed a bunch of plastic grocery bags, the vinegar and water spray and the paper towels, shot Roscoe a dirty look and walked to the front door. The mess was right in front of the hall bathroom which was still occupado, and my husband says through the door. “What? He peed on the floor? Why did he pee on the floor?” Really helpful dude.
“Dude, didn’t you see it? You had to walk right over it to get to the bathroom!”
“I don’t know, I had to go so bad I just ran here, I probably jumped over it.” Only a husband would jump over pee and not remember.
I looked down. It was gigantic. “Kim (that’s my husband), are you sure you didn’t poop on the floor?”
“What?! Of course I didn’t poop on the floor!”
“Man, this poop is gigantic! Roscoe must have been holding it forever!”
At this point my husband opens the door and says in classic Kim fashion (laughing like it’s no big deal and I am not on my hands and knees cleaning the floor) “Wow! I can’t believe that didn’t rip his butt open!”
“Kim! That’s disgusting!” (Roscoe only ways 18 pounds, it was pretty big)
At this point it gets quiet, Isaiah is watching me clean up (which is odd) and he says “Mom, Roscoe didn’t poop on the floor.”
I look up at him quizzically, my brain was processing, processing, processing… was it Daisy? Wait, she’s only 10 pounds.
“Mom, it was me.”
“It was me.”
“You went to the bathroom on the floor?!”
At this point he starts talking really fast. “Well, I came in the house and I really had to go the bathroom and I got here and poppy was already in the bathroom and it was already coming out and I didn’t know what to do so I pulled my pants down and went to the bathroom here.”
“I did it mom!”
“Dude! Kim!” I yelled to the kitchen, “it was Isaiah!”
“What was Isaiah?”
“Isaiah went to the bathroom on the floor!”
Well at this point it was all up for grabs, I started laughing so hard I almost peed on the floor. The boy was really sorry. I didn’t even care, I actually felt bad for the kid! Then I noticed he wasn’t wearing the same pants he came in the house with and wondered how I had missed the clues.
New clothes, giant poop, husband didn’t notice it when he came in and a ton of pee!
I am guessing this will be a Thanksgiving we won’t soon forget. And on that note.
Things Ya Might Get Busted For In Real Life
I know it’s gonna be hard, with Thanksgiving and all, but this is a really fun topic suggested by my favorite mixer-uper – literally, she’s always mixing up the topic. Kerri from Undiagnosed but Okay. She said, how about a “this song could’ve sent me to jail?” I was intrigued, but needed more. Hmmm let’s see the Doors come on baby get higher, Or Carrie Underwood doing a little grand larceny beating up her boyfriends truck? Blondie gets arrested after seeing Aliens in Rapture Or even to be funnier: Joe Cocker you can leave your hat on, so if I left just my hat on I would be arrested for indecent exposure. Trust me it wouldn’t be pretty! Aha!
If I only had one song on this list it would be this one. I never listened to the words when I was a kid. But a while back a friend, who is about 10 years older than me, said “You know that song Itchycoo Park?” I said “No.” She said, “Yes you do.” And sang it to me very off-key so I had to google it on my phone and listen to it on YouTube. “Oh! That song!”
“Yes! Listen to the lyrics!”
“What?! And we’re worried about what the kids are listening to now!”
Itchycoo Park – Small Faces (If you have time watch the video, it’s priceless, really)
This guy killed his best friend and then buried him. Pretty sure you’re not allowed to do that.
Jack Straw – Grateful Dead (I’m using a studio version so you can hear the lyrics)
While we’re talking murder, he’s an upbeat song about a guy getting shot. He did it all for love.
Copacabana – Barry Manilow
I got busted for smoking in PE Class. Don’t tell the kid until he’s married.
Smoking in the Boys Room – Brownsville Station (No Motley Crue was not the first band to record this)
And here’s one you could get busted in this WAY TO P.C. culture we are currently living in. Would anyone even contemplate recording the words “there was funky chinaman in funky chinatown?” (although he is quite complimentary) Also, if you don’t agree with that, they should at least get busted for the Kung Fu dancing they are doing in this video.
Kung Fu Fighting – Carl Douglas
Have an AWESOME Thanksgiving! And I’ll see you all next week!
Thank you for listening, now share your MixTape with all of us. The best part of this party is we get to hear so much music that may be new, may be forgotten or may be just what you wanted to hear right now.
These are the rules. Five songs (do your best to stick to it, I listen to every mix). Stick to the theme (as best you can). Check out the other players (everyone wants to share their tunes with you). Create a mix, not a “hey look at all the cool songs I know” we’re not snobs, if you were our best bud and you were gonna make us a tape, what would it be? And share this party so more people will play next week!
Do me a favor, if you’re a veteran, try and visit at least one person you’ve never visited before.
And now, The List of all Lists
December 3 – It is officially OK to be listening to Christmas Music now! Bring it on! Maybe we’ll find some new favorite Christmas tunes for our holiday playlists!
December 10 – I don’t just love you, I’m addicted to you!
December 17 – It’s dealer’s choice again! Already? Yup already!
December 24 – Unfortunately this MixTape occurs on Christmas Eve, so Merry Christmas Everyone! We’ll be taking this week off.
December 31 – I hate to say goodbye to another mixtape. So in honor of looking back on the past year, repost your favorite mixtape! (remember we go live on Monday, so you can post on the 30th if you like)
January 7 – As everyone is looking forward to a New Year and talking about resolutions, this week’s them will be Past Mistakes (not necessarily love related 😉 )