Twisted MixTape 35 – And A Thanksgiving Surprise

43 comments

turkey wine mixtape

It’s 5pm on Monday night and I just realized I haven’t done my mix tape, so I’m gonna crack open a bottle of wine and tell you a story. Someday my son will probably disown me for this. And if you are one of the 5 people who decide to join me this week, you’re welcome.

I don’t know about you, but I have Thanksgiving at my house. It’s crazy but I love it. However, starting the Saturday before it is non-stop running around, decorating, running around more, realizing I forgot one thing at the store (5 times) and running around again.

Last night (Sunday) we had our fair share of errands to do, the most important of which was going to Michael’s Craft Store at exactly 4pm when everything at the store would be an additional 25% off, and you could COMBINE COUPONS, WHAT?! So of course we were there to get one more house for our Christmas village (we add one every year) and other nonsense we didn’t need. Then we realized we were starving so we decided to drive farther away from our house to get dinner – don’t ask.

We’re driving home from dinner, we’ve got about 15 minutes to go and my Husband starts complaining that he has to pee. Really.
I say “Dude, you know they had a bathroom at the restaurant don’t you?”
“Yes, wife.” He says sarcastically. Cause you know, I was being sarcastic. “Please drive faster.”
Well, I can be a speed demon, but not with the boy in the car, so the husband had to suffer. When we finally got in the driveway, my husband barely waited for the car to stop before he booked into the house. The boy followed him, leaving me to lug all the bags in. (what’s new)

When I completed my fifth trip, took off all the winter gear (because it’s freaking 24 degrees here people!) and went into the kitchen the boy was waiting for me.
“Mom! Roscoe pooped on the floor by the front door!” (Roscoe’s favorite peeing spot)
“No he didn’t”
“Yes he did mom! And you should see all the pee! There’s tons and tons of pee!”
“Man, this is just what I need right now.”
“And mom! Wait until you see the poop, it’s Gigantic!”
I grabbed a bunch of plastic grocery bags, the vinegar and water spray and the paper towels, shot Roscoe a dirty look and walked to the front door. The mess was right in front of the hall bathroom which was still occupado, and my husband says through the door. “What? He peed on the floor? Why did he pee on the floor?” Really helpful dude.
“Dude, didn’t you see it? You had to walk right over it to get to the bathroom!”
“I don’t know, I had to go so bad I just ran here, I probably jumped over it.” Only a husband would jump over pee and not remember.
I looked down. It was gigantic. “Kim (that’s my husband), are you sure you didn’t poop on the floor?”
“What?! Of course I didn’t poop on the floor!”
“Man, this poop is gigantic! Roscoe must have been holding it forever!”
At this point my husband opens the door and says in classic Kim fashion (laughing like it’s no big deal and I am not on my hands and knees cleaning the floor) “Wow! I can’t believe that didn’t rip his butt open!”
“Kim! That’s disgusting!” (Roscoe only ways 18 pounds, it was pretty big)
At this point it gets quiet, Isaiah is watching me clean up (which is odd) and he says “Mom, Roscoe didn’t poop on the floor.”
I look up at him quizzically, my brain was processing, processing, processing… was it Daisy? Wait, she’s only 10 pounds.
“Mom, it was me.”
“What?”
“It was me.”
“You went to the bathroom on the floor?!”
At this point he starts talking really fast. “Well, I came in the house and I really had to go the bathroom and I got here and poppy was already in the bathroom and it was already coming out and I didn’t know what to do so I pulled my pants down and went to the bathroom here.”
“What?”
“I did it mom!”
“Dude! Kim!” I yelled to the kitchen, “it was Isaiah!”
“What was Isaiah?”
“Isaiah went to the bathroom on the floor!”
Well at this point it was all up for grabs, I started laughing so hard I almost peed on the floor. The boy was really sorry. I didn’t even care, I actually felt bad for the kid! Then I noticed he wasn’t wearing the same pants he came in the house with and wondered how I had missed the clues.
New clothes, giant poop, husband didn’t notice it when he came in and a ton of pee!

I am guessing this will be a Thanksgiving we won’t soon forget. And on that note.

Things Ya Might Get Busted For In Real Life

I know it’s gonna be hard, with Thanksgiving and all, but this is a really fun topic suggested by my favorite mixer-uper – literally, she’s always mixing up the topic. Kerri from Undiagnosed but Okay. She said,  how about a “this song could’ve sent me to jail?” I was intrigued, but needed more. Hmmm let’s see the Doors come on baby get higher, Or Carrie Underwood doing a little grand larceny beating up her boyfriends truck? Blondie gets arrested after seeing Aliens in Rapture Or even to be funnier: Joe Cocker you can leave your hat on, so if I left just my hat on I would be arrested for indecent exposure. Trust me it wouldn’t be pretty! Aha!

If I only had one song on this list it would be this one. I never listened to the words when I was a kid. But a while back a friend, who is about 10 years older than me, said “You know that song Itchycoo Park?” I said “No.” She said, “Yes you do.” And sang it to me very off-key so I had to google it on my phone and listen to it on YouTube. “Oh! That song!”
“Yes! Listen to the lyrics!”
“What?! And we’re worried about what the kids are listening to now!”

Itchycoo Park – Small Faces (If you have time watch the video, it’s priceless, really)

 

This guy killed his best friend and then buried him. Pretty sure you’re not allowed to do that.

Jack Straw – Grateful Dead (I’m using a studio version so you can hear the lyrics)

 

While we’re talking murder, he’s an upbeat song about a guy getting shot. He did it all for love.

Copacabana –  Barry Manilow

 

I got busted for smoking in PE Class. Don’t tell the kid until he’s married.

Smoking in the Boys Room – Brownsville Station (No Motley Crue was not the first band to record this)

 

And here’s one you could get busted in this WAY TO P.C. culture we are currently living in. Would anyone even contemplate recording the words “there was funky chinaman in funky chinatown?” (although he is quite complimentary) Also, if you don’t agree with that, they should at least get busted for the Kung Fu dancing they are doing in this video.

Kung Fu Fighting –  Carl Douglas

 

Have an AWESOME Thanksgiving! And I’ll see you all next week!

Thank you for listening, now share your MixTape with all of us. The best part of this party is we get to hear so much music that may be new, may be forgotten or may be just what you wanted to hear right now.

These are the rules. Five songs (do your best to stick to it, I listen to every mix). Stick to the theme (as best you can). Check out the other players (everyone wants to share their tunes with you). Create a mix, not a “hey look at all the cool songs I know” we’re not snobs, if you were our best bud and you were gonna make us a tape, what would it be? And share this party so more people will play next week!

Do me a favor, if you’re a veteran, try and visit at least one person you’ve never visited before.

NOW PLAY


http://www.linkytools.com/basic_linky_include.aspx?id=215328

And now, The List of all Lists

December 3 – It is officially OK to be listening to Christmas Music now! Bring it on! Maybe we’ll find some new favorite Christmas tunes for our holiday playlists!
December 10 –  I don’t just love you, I’m addicted to you!
December 17 –  It’s dealer’s choice again! Already? Yup already!
December 24 – Unfortunately this MixTape occurs on Christmas Eve, so Merry Christmas Everyone! We’ll be taking this week off.
December 31 – I hate to say goodbye to another mixtape. So in honor of looking back on the past year, repost your favorite mixtape! (remember we go live on Monday, so you can post on the 30th if you like)
January 7 – As everyone is looking forward to a New Year and talking about resolutions, this week’s them will be Past Mistakes (not necessarily love related 😉 )

 

43 comments on “Twisted MixTape 35 – And A Thanksgiving Surprise”

  1. This really sounds like something that would happen in my house. Those of the male gender (everyone but me) usually just whip it out and pee in the gravel driveway behind the truck instead of trying to make it inside.

  2. Dude, I fcking love this story. You are such a champ for handling it like you did. I mean, it’s not like the kid WANTED to poop on the floor…so why yell at him for it, right? You rock with the grace you showed!!

  3. I did not see that coming – now everyone in my family wants to know what I am laughing about! Oh, your boy cracks me up. I love how he really played up how big the poop was. Cuz boys care about stuff like that. I’m hosting Thanksgiving too – I hope no one poops on the floor.

  4. Is it bad that I’m at the stage of life where I just kind of smile and shrug at a story like this? Don’t get me wrong – funny! But every now and then we get a poop show here too (le sigh).

    So, other than a reminder of poop show that is parenting? Here’s the other thing I learnt this week: I didn’t know Motley Crue’s Smoking in the Boys Room was a cover. There you went – making me smarter again!

    Happy Thanksgiving! And good luck with hosting! Being Canadian I lacked the holiday excuse not to post. I’m a bit stuck already for next week’s theme though …. Not a lover of Xmas music…

  5. buahahahahahaha. that is too funny. that kind of thing happens around here, but my kids are so little that it is just icky and not that amusing.

    i am working on my mix tape, so you won’t be alone!

  6. Awww, that story is funny and you handled it so well. Definitely an either or moment as you’re wiping all of that up! Also, I’m going to admit I’ve never heard Itchycoo Park before, I listened to it twice and I think the lead singer is guilty. He makes some faces right around the halfway point – he did it. This is his confession.

  7. Hey Jen! I will be a little late this week, but promise to blogjay with you guys tomorrow on this topic! Catch you later on the linkup!

  8. omg Jen – that’s so funny, but poor Isaiah! Aw, hugs, little man! And I word to the husband jumping over the poop and pee. You know what mine does when the dog pees on the floor? He lays paper towels on it to soak it up and then I find it all dried to the floor later. Dude! Pick that stuff up! Spray some stuff on it. Help a wife out a little!
    Anyway…This is a fun topic. I’m on it today. I was pooped yesterday. Excuse the expression…muah haha! Love the Small Faces tune and oh yes – at the Copa – that’s perfect! Kung Fu Fighting!! And Smokin’ In the Boys Room…duh duh duh duh duh…
    Love it!! Happy Turkey Day my friend! xox

  9. could I love you even more my new friend? YES, because Barry Manilow is on this list. (and although it’s not my favorite Barry song…it’s there)

    also, I think I have a song for misheard lyrics for you, I shall write the post and send it along in the next few days..after the TURKEY.

    I love this chorus of voices and what you bring to our table with music, memories and stories.

    THANKFUL FOR YOU. 🙂

  10. Great choices, though I will admit to not really getting that the guy from Small Faces killed his best friend in Itchypoo Park from the lyrics — but, whatever, I’ll believe you, LOL!

    Thanks, once again, for a great topic. Looking forward to next week… I love Christmas music!

    Happy Thanksgiving! May your day be filled with lots of things, but no poop! (And, you’re right — your son is going to KILL you for telling this story when he gets older!)

  11. That IS the funniest thing ever… and I could totally see myself in that position as a little kid, realizing you really have to go but there is no toilet, and maybe you can just… blame the dog? But if I did that my mother would NOT be laughing… she’d be committing me to some sort of childhood mental institution!

  12. I can’t believe he did it. But, then again, how long does your hubby normally spend in there? No need to answer. I can guess. I had to catch up on another hop last night, so I’m just getting around. Well done mix. Of course, Small Faces used to make us all smile, especially when passing it around. Great Job!

  13. I feel bad now, because my really was on Kim… 😛 Poor child, I would have reacted the same exactly. Or at least I’d like to believe I would 🙂 Love you.

  14. I’m a little late to the party this week, but better late than never.

    I’ve never heard Itchycoo Park before now and its an awesome song! Copacabana was originally on my list too! It’s one of those songs that you know should be all sad, but it just makes you want to dance.

  15. Holy crap. Literally, holy crap. I didn’t even listen to the music, I was all ABOUT THE STORY. I don’t know whether to high-five Isaiah or kick Kim’s butt for being oblivious but OMG that’s awesome and SO something my kid might do one day!! HAHAHAH Love. xoxoxo
    tttx10

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