If My Life Were An Eighties Expose’

22 comments

Thank you, thank you for joining us at Break the Parenting Mold, where Mom is a lot like Sybil, Dad is a lot like Ward Cleaver and the boy? Well the boy, he just can’t be pinned down….  This week we have explored the fact that “Mom”, also known as “Mama”, “Wife” “Mommy Dunkit” and “Mommy Butler” using the pen name of “Jen”, has become slightly schizophrenic due to a lack of sunshine and an over-abundance of completely useless snow.  During this time period she has gone from a brief tangle with  deep shock (this part is true) and near hysteria (this not so much) to many episodes of complete awe and disbelief (ie. when trying to help her husband find his car keys that “she lost” that were later found in his pocket, that “she must have put there when he wasn’t looking.”)

That brings us to a brand new segment on Break the Parenting Mold (insert melodious announcer voice here) we call it: 5 things you would have heard the boy say, or heard said to the boy, if you had been a fly on the wall.

1. Put down the gun and brush your teeth.

2. Hello Big Chief Key-Nide Mole

3. Can you please flitch that flitch?

4.  I have to scream, if I don’t I’ll punch someone in the face.

5. You know why I like to play with fire? Because it’s orange, and orange is my favorite color.

6. Either you let me stay up late and tomorrow I’m a good nice boy who plays nice, or I go to sleep right now and tomorrow morning I punch Johnny in the face when he gets here. (the names were changed to protect the innocent)

8.  If I can’t have a chocolate ching, can I at least have some chocolate bunkers?

9. I should invent a machine that makes people crazy.

and……

10. I got my pipe and my tobacco and I went in there so I could have a smoke, would you mind getting me a light?

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No animals were harmed in the making of this segment, number 7 was removed for inappropriate content and there was in fact no tobacco in the pipe, nor was the lighter real. Although it is his, it’s a Jersey Boys Zippo, blame his dad.

22 comments on “If My Life Were An Eighties Expose’”

  1. Sometimes we’re up at 1 AM because we HAVE to get it all written down/typed up! Some of the things they say are just crazy, aren’t they? But oh, so cute. 🙂

    1. I almost posted it with #7, deleted it last minute after recently reading a story where a blogger got busted from CFS from a “tip” that someone who read her blog sent in, I thought twice. But for you my friend….anything. Most people don’t read other people’s comments anyway. #7 Stop touching me in weird places and wrapping stuff around me! ( I almost can’t remember why I said that, but I think he was trying to handcuff my ankles and wrap a rope around me. All the while man-handling me to get in the perfect position. Just realized that could be really mis-construed! Ok well realized it last night. You better not make me regret this!

  2. And hey I just noticed that I’m on your cool bloggie list over there on the right hand side. How awesome are you for including me? Awesome, super awesome, that’s how awesome you are.
    I need to make a blog roll – one more reason I’m inept and probably shouldn’t be allowed to play with all the cool kids. Thanks huge! Seriously.

    1. I’m just trying to follow the rules of what makes someone a nice blogger. You know let them fly away, and they will come back and thank you. Or maybe they’ll just stay at Finding Ninee and forget all about me….

  3. I have already decided that when my oldest finally decides to put together full sentences, she’s going to be one long string of outrageousness. And I don’t know what chocolate ching or chocolate bunkers are, but I’m pretty I need to have them. Now.
    and p.s. how many times have i been accused of putting something somewhere when he wasn’t looking?

    1. Totally!!!! And when have you EVER been the person who actually misplaced the item! (Ok well I won’t tell 🙂 So here’s the secret Chocolate Ching’s are weight watchers chocolate versions of Lil’ Debbie’s (they’re really good, but way too small!), Chocolate bunkers are Whoppers 🙂 It took me a while too 🙂

    1. Ok it’s 1am on the dot here now. AGAIN! But I can’t write when the boys awake, or that would make me a badder mommy! As it is he has a pipe and a zippo!

  4. I sometimes think that my family puts the dys back into function with the conversations that we have. If taken out of context those conversations would frighten a lot of people. What is CFS?

    1. I think it’s California Family Services, we have DCFS here. AND exactly my point, my Fragmented Friday’s has two such statements 🙂

  5. ah out of the mouth of babes….
    And the things we say to our kids that we never thought we would!

    Last week I heard myself ask my boy to take a toy queen off his private area and could not believe I actually had to say that! LOL

    1. I can’t tell you how many times I have said “stop touching your penis” and I get “but it looks like a flower, watch!” Oh the things they don’t tell you about having a boy!

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