Let me help y’all out, mkay? I am with this kid 24/7 – homeschooling is like that. I can tell you, without a doubt, what gifts not to buy a boy. OK, at least my kid does NOT need these for Christmas this year. And if you love me – and my sanity, you’ll take notes.
Husband – (Besides the whip I fortunately caught you putting in your shopping cart.) I saw the two of you hanging out at the “survival” knife case over at REI the other day. I am hoping you were only humoring him. I can think of one million ways our son could cause irreparable damage to our house with a 2 inch “safety knife.”
Grandpa – I know he’s been asking you for a new set of tools lately. Let me stop you right now. I know you read my essay in The Mother of All Meltdowns, and you know what that kid can do with a hammer. Let me tell you right now, his hammer is not “lost.” So please don’t “replace” it.
Grandma – You might thing that getting him one of those fun science kits is a great way to further his exploration. It’s not. You will spend $30 on something he will use up in 5 minutes creating a potion to Destroy The World (insert evil maniacal voice).
Aunt & Uncle S – You’ve seen all the videos, he love’s to perform. His renditions of The Devil Went Down to Georgia and The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald are legendary. I understand your desire to help him further his musical adventures. But a microphone? Believe me, the super-strong ear plugs I bought from the shooting range aren’t strong enough to tone down his normal speaking voice.
Queenie & Kingy – It’s a natural to want to foster this kid’s love of science. You’re the first one’s he tells about his “potions.” As a scientist, Queenie, you are the end all be all. I know he’s been asking you to bring a bunsen burner home from your lab. I assume you know better, but just incase. Don’t.
I know he’ll ask you if he sees you, so for your edification, we don’t need anymore:
Thanks so much.
This is a blogging carnival. That means 7 other amazing bloggers have joined up with me to keep you laughing and shaking your head (you know you’ve thought of all these before) to share with you their tales of woe. And I mean Whoa! Grandma, DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!
Grab a glass of wine, or a Shirley Temple, sit back and be ready to feel better about your parenting.