Insomnia will do funny things to your brain. I know. I’ve had a lot of experience with it.
Last night in my insomniatic fugue state I had an imaginary conversation with John Cusack. In my head it all started with a tweet.
@JohnCusack did you ever hang out at No Exit over on Glenwood and Morse?
@JenKehl I did. Why do you ask?
@JohnCusack my friend @sadderbutwiser mentioned your movies and then I wrote a post about No Exit, and realized our paths may have crossed.
At this point we decided to meet for coffee. Or we were talking on the phone. Or maybe we were using a communicator, it’s all a little fuzzy.
John: So you like my movies?
Jen: Sure, I write about it a lot. I don’t want you to think I’m a stalker or anything. I just feel a connection to so many of your characters in your movies, it feels like I know you.
John: So which of my more recent movies do you like?
Jen: Oh, well…I haven’t really seen any of your recent movies.
John: Really? Why not?
Jen: Well, I don’t do drama, or thriller, or twisted, or down right scary. I think the last movie I saw you in was America’s Sweethearts. That was awesome.
John: Wait. You don’t do Dramas or Thrillers? Why not?
Jen: Well, my dad died at a very formative time in my life. It has made me over empathize with characters so much that I feel much too deeply and can’t enjoy the movie. Basically my Emotional Barometer is broken. I have no desire whatsoever to feel anything but happy when I watch a movie. Life is too short to feel someone else’s pain. And thrillers? You can save those for the sleep-over parties.
Jen: But you know, I would totally watch you in an Action movie. You played a pretty awesome hitman in Grosse Pointe Blank, I totally bought it. It was like a cross between Woody Allen and Bruce Willis. How about you in Red 3? Or if you need the quirkyness you could do some Quentin Tarantino flick that is along the lines of Pulp Fiction or Kill Bill? Because that’s about as intense as I can get.
Then today. As Serendipity would have it (another favorite John Cusack movie) someone posted a link to an article called 51 Things You’ll Never Hear a Chicagoan Say well of course I had to read it. Imagine my surprise when I saw #19.
John Cusack’s Twitter feed makes him look like a reasonable guy.
Well dang. I follow John on twitter, but I don’t follow him. I decided I would head on over and see exactly what this Chicago expert meant.
Thank you dude who wrote that article. I almost tweeted the anti-thesis of my husband. And if I wanted to be out of the frying pan and into the fire there are a lot of easier ways I could do it.
Like, just jumping into a fire.
I admit it. My husband is a raging conservative. In the sense that almost every conversation we have either starts or ends with politics. Say what you will, it is who we are and how we live. I have no beef with people who do not feel the same way. I am just setting the stage for this:
— John Cusack (@johncusack) March 19, 2014
Yes. That’s right my friends. John is not Jonathan Trager (Serendipity), Eddie Thomas (America’s Sweethearts) or especially Martin Q. Blank. Nope, he’s your regular, off the wall, hyper-political, super-opinionated, Doppelganger of my husband.
He’s not Rob Gordon, the mixtape expert that I felt so connected with, being a mixtape expert myself. Nope.
He’s my husband.
And if I want to be having a conversation with my husband at 5am, when I can’t sleep, I can just walk out in the kitchen and have one.
And you know what I would say? Quit making so much freaking noise! You wake me up every morning at 5am and then I can’t fall back asleep and I sit in bed thinking up the craziest crap. And you know what? You don’t look anything like John Cusack.
And so. I have two choices. A full memory wipe or I let go of my John Cusack Myth. I choose memory wipe.