Okay God, I’m Listening

ok God

Sometimes you need to be very very quiet and very still. Sometimes you will hear a voice inside your head, it is yours but the words seem to be coming from somewhere else.

Sometimes you are too busy to listen. Sometimes you think you are waiting for God’s timing, but you’re not paying attention when he’s ready to talk. Sometimes you think you are making it happen by doing your thing, by doing what you think is important and you drown out His voice.

The last four weeks of my life have been a string of disasters. I am not looking for sympathy, I am stating a fact. From Raised on the Radio getting hacked, to losing our hot water heater and our house filling with gas – and everything in between.

I am not the type to wallow, but when I got a call from my most favorite babysitter today saying after she read my blog she did not think she had the “skills” needed to take care of Isaiah, that was the straw that almost broke this mama’s back.

I had to wonder what was happening. It wasn’t possible that 4 serious disasters could happen in one week and it not mean something.

And so God – I’m listening.

I’m listening but I’m not sure what you are saying. But I remember something. God does not always talk in your head. Sometimes you just have to listen to what is going on around you.

Yesterday someone who means a lot to me said something, something I didn’t want to hear, something I ignored – and today the disasters multiplied.

My very good friend Jean from Mamaschmama sent me an email of encouragement. She mentioned that maybe this meant I should focus on something else now. She reminded me that I had started a series on my Faith, but never finished it. Maybe it was time to start it again?

I don’t really know if I’m ready, but this isn’t about me. I got scared when I started talking about my faith. I was confused about the comments I was getting. But the truth is, I knew where the story was going and no one else did. The truth is I have made the choice in my life to share my faith and be proud of it.

I feel a little bit like Jonah, he didn’t want to go to Nineveh, he didn’t want to face the unbelievers.

I am sorry for not listening God, I will.

Starting next week I will continue with my story, I will continue where I left off. Next week I will explain what happened to my faith after my father died right before my 18th birthday.


39 thoughts on “Okay God, I’m Listening

  1. Personally, I would love to hear about your faith. I think this is something I should be sharing more of on my blog, too. I hope everything gets better for you, and soon!

  2. Jen, I am so sorry you are having a rough couple of weeks here and am totally thinking of you now. I truly had no idea and if I could would reach out and hug you right now. Sending virtual hugs though and can’t wait to read more about your faith here now, too.

  3. I’m so sorry. I have felt the same way, so I do understand, not that that makes anything better. I wish it could though. I’ll be thinking of you though and I will look forward to reading more about your faith as well.

  4. Jen, so sorry you have had such difficult week! I’m sending a virtual hug your way! Secondly, I understand how scary sharing your faith can be. I have hesitated to share mine much simply because I didn’t want to turn non-believers away or something like that. It is am important part of my life, though. I think it is awesome that you are going to share more of your and I look forward to reading about it. Hope the rest of your week gets better!

  5. First, I’m SO SORRY that you’re having such a crappy week 😦
    Did you get things sorted out with the sitter? I hope so. I remember that post and it was obvious that that sitter was just sucky so hopefully this one will rise to the challenge and come though for you.
    Second, I would love to hear more of your faith stories. In fact, I can’t wait!
    Hugs, my friend. TTTx10

  6. xoxoxo

    This reminded me of why I wanted to blog in the first place. Support and community. You talking about your faith is part of all of our online conversations. You are open about your son and what his needs are, we fall in love with him and our eyes are opened. Same with someone’s beliefs.

  7. I love the title of this. I often start prayers this way during my devotionals/private time.

    I had no idea the depth of your rough luck/times.

    I’m so sorry. I think you have a lot of people looking out for you and wanting the best for you. Hopefully ROTR will be worked out soon.


    • Thanks Lance, yeah for me it’s always been a beginning with Thanks. And it’s been tough, but I’m still thankful. Right now I’m definitely thankful for friends.

  8. This is brave and I thank you for sharing it. I sometimes balk at faith, I sometimes get mad that I can’t control stuff and must have faith. It’s not easy to “let it go” or admit it isn’t in my hands.
    So, thanks again for sharing this. This may be selfish, but I needed to hear/read it.

  9. Sorry to hear about your tough week, my friend. And I’m WAY cross at your sitter for letting you down like that 😦

    As for your faith. I honestly don’t believe that God (who is meant to be loving) would make disasters happen to you until you continue your series. Does. Not. Compute.

    But I’m glad you’re being so brave. I shall read with interest 🙂

    • Lizzi – The Israelites are a perfect example of how God lets disasters happen to remind you of who he is. I’m not mad at him, I’m thankful he’s reminding me.
      And thank you for your love!

  10. I’d love to hear the rest of the story, honestly. I thought of mentioning it to you, too, but wasn’t sure if it was the right time. I’m so glad Jean did!!! This has been a tough time for you, and I hate hollow positivity, so I’ll just say — sometimes life sucks, the end. But I still love ya. ps – I like your new spam filter but it will prevent me from commenting here when I’m drunk. 😉

    • I know you loved it Deb, but I got scared. And I was even MORE scared about getting hacked so now you have to do math. The end.

  11. I’m sorry to hear about all the bad things that have happened. Just when you think you can grab a breathe, something else goes wrong. It is tough to put yourself out there, but there are people who will learn and grow from your experiences. The good times are just around the corner. Hang in there!!

  12. First I am sorry your December sucked. And not just sucked but sucked rotten eggs covered in anchovies. Unless you go for that type of thing. I think we all have a difficult time listening to God. I am not a religious person per se although I have faith. I am reading a book right now that talks about how we have become a society in the moment and about us and striving for what is going to make us happy in this moment rather than long-term. I applaud you for going there as much as i am scared for what you might find.

    Adore you, adore you, adore you and I am so so sorry that your month sucked.

    • I totally agree with your book’s point, it’s actually a conversation we have at our house often. Faith is such an important part of my families daily life that I feel I have been disengenuine if I didn’t share it.

  13. You my dear have gone through so much in such a short period of time and look at you, still standing and breathing life into words.
    I wish that I had some holy thing to say but well…my ticket to hell was booked years ago when I said “fuck it” in church after my grandma died. I don’t judge others for what they believe and how much they believe in it and how much they want to share. I like hearing about how people find solace through their faith because I wish that I could.
    If He’s not listening or you cannot hear him, know that I can 🙂
    I’ll be the back up.
    I’m wide open sista.
    That sounded perverted.
    Like I said…one way ticket.

    • Oh Kimberly, I love how you make me laugh and you just say what you are thinking and that’s the best thing about you! I am feeling better all the time because of this amazing outpouring of support. I know whatever happens will be for the best.
      Thank you for the love!

  14. Holy Crap! That is a lot of stuff – even by my gage!! I can’t believe your sitter broke up with you via an email? It’s like the post it note of the new age. My faith has ebbed and flowed, I am looking forward to your series. Hugs, and thoughts.

  15. Jen, I’m sorry the past four weeks have sucked. And I know it’s scary to put yourself out there with your faith series, but I’m so glad you are doing it. I hope it helps you in some way too.

  16. Oh, Jen, I am such a believer in God’s voice and in everything that you have said here. There can be such peace in surrendering. I can’t wait to hear more. I feel very encouraging of you!

  17. Pingback: Ten Things of Thankful – The Remembering What’s Important Edition » JenKehl

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s