Sometimes you need to be very very quiet and very still. Sometimes you will hear a voice inside your head, it is yours but the words seem to be coming from somewhere else.
Sometimes you are too busy to listen. Sometimes you think you are waiting for God’s timing, but you’re not paying attention when he’s ready to talk. Sometimes you think you are making it happen by doing your thing, by doing what you think is important and you drown out His voice.
The last four weeks of my life have been a string of disasters. I am not looking for sympathy, I am stating a fact. From Raised on the Radio getting hacked, to losing our hot water heater and our house filling with gas – and everything in between.
I am not the type to wallow, but when I got a call from my most favorite babysitter today saying after she read my blog she did not think she had the “skills” needed to take care of Isaiah, that was the straw that almost broke this mama’s back.
I had to wonder what was happening. It wasn’t possible that 4 serious disasters could happen in one week and it not mean something.
And so God – I’m listening.
I’m listening but I’m not sure what you are saying. But I remember something. God does not always talk in your head. Sometimes you just have to listen to what is going on around you.
Yesterday someone who means a lot to me said something, something I didn’t want to hear, something I ignored – and today the disasters multiplied.
My very good friend Jean from Mamaschmama sent me an email of encouragement. She mentioned that maybe this meant I should focus on something else now. She reminded me that I had started a series on my Faith, but never finished it. Maybe it was time to start it again?
I don’t really know if I’m ready, but this isn’t about me. I got scared when I started talking about my faith. I was confused about the comments I was getting. But the truth is, I knew where the story was going and no one else did. The truth is I have made the choice in my life to share my faith and be proud of it.
I feel a little bit like Jonah, he didn’t want to go to Nineveh, he didn’t want to face the unbelievers.
I am sorry for not listening God, I will.
Starting next week I will continue with my story, I will continue where I left off. Next week I will explain what happened to my faith after my father died right before my 18th birthday.