Now we don’t like to be judgy judgers do we? Great. But if you do, you might want to head on over to some other blog right about now. If you’ve read my posts you know that my son has Sensory Processing Disorder, butt wiping is one of the last bastions. So I am basically done answering the question “You wipe your son’s butt?” Yes I wipe my 8 year old’s butt. Sometimes. Deal with it.
I am pretty sure he will still go to college, and by then he should be wiping his own butt. And let me say, if you are wiping your kids butt and he doesn’t have any issues. WHO CARES?! I mean I like you and I care about you, but don’t let some judger make you feel bad. I love my kid, if he needs this right now, I won’t pretend I like it, but I am definitely going to pick my battles, and this isn’t one of them. So for your disgusting-o-meter pleasure:
The Top Ten Ways My Kid Gets Me To Wipe His Butt
- “Mom!! My poop is too mushy!”
- “Moooommmmmyyyyyy, I’m still sleeping.” (insert whining voice)
- “I’m going to sit here until you wipe my butt.” (This one is reserved for when we are running late)
- “Please mom, please. PLEEEEEEEAAAASE!!!!! I’ll never ask again!”
- “If you don’t wipe my butt I’ll wipe it on your bed!”
- Or a variation of that: “I’m running around with no pants on! There’s probably poop dropping on the floor!”
- “There’s actual poop hanging off my butt! I’m afraid I will touch it!”
- “If you don’t help me wipe it, I am sure it will all wind up in my butt crack and then what will I do?”
- (When we are at my sister’s house and I respond to the yell “I need help!”) “This bathroom is so small, the sink is too close to me, I feel too closed in, I can’t possibly wipe.”
- Kid in a panicked voice “Mom! Mom! I need you! Hurry!!!” I run down the hall in full Concerned Mama Mode. Arriving to see a sly smile spread across the boy’s face. “Well, now that you’re here, will you wipe me?”
I admit it, he’s got my number right about now. He’s perfectly capable of cleaning that back door without assistance. But can I mention something? I AM FREAKING TIRED! Do you know how much easier it is to wipe a butt than to argue about it for 15 minutes and then half the time wind up doing it anyway? Let’s put it this way, if he’s still doing it when he gets his first girlfriend – one threat is all it will take.