The Itsy Bitsy Spider

The only thing I dislike more than waking up at 6am is taking a shower at 6:05.  I know, some of you will say, “oh, but that’s what wakes me up!” or “it feels so great!” or whatever you shower people say.  Yes, I admit it.  I am not a fan of showers.  I comply because I understand the need to participate in the social graces of not smelling like a dirty hippy, as my sister calls it.  But, I have to admit it, even I can appreciate the day where a little patchouli will go a long way.  The fact is, my least favorite state of being is wet.  Give me the ocean or a wide open lake any day.  But a pool chair and book is preferable to that over-sized bathtub they call a “swimming pool”.

So, imagine my consternation when, this morning, half asleep and grumpy about my circumstance, I spider on my footdecided to look around the shower and discovered I was not alone.  Nope, he didn’t even have the decency to be on the wall, not even a foot from where I stood holding on for dear life, was a creepy, legs too long in the front, reddish bodied arachnid!  I, of course, already covered in shampoo was not about to do anything to change the position or life expectancy of this spider.  I have a strict policy in my house, unless he’s in your bed, or on a path towards it.  Let him live so he can eat up all the bad guys.

So I waited.  I watched.  Now, not only was I tired, and grumpy, and wet, I was also forced to keep a vigilant eye on this interloper.  Making what could have been a non-eventful shower, a somewhat entertaining but irritating one.  I mean really, was he alive?  Was he dead?  Was he in a state of shock induced stasis? How could I know?  At one particular point, what must have seemed like a tidal wave to him, washed through the shower basin when I rinsed my hair.  He floated like a surfer catching a wave, and I was sure he was a goner.  But no.  There he was, clinging, or so it appeared, to the shower floor once the wave subsided.  This was a little too much for me, I quickened my pace and made a hasty retreat.

While performing my post shower activities, lotioning, q-tipping, etc.  I continued to peak in on my erstwhile companion.  He hadn’t moved.  However he also was no closer to the drain.  I went on to dressing, made more difficult by the fact that my cozy sleeping boy was only 2 feet from my dresser.  I almost gave up at this point and climbed in with him, forgetting the whole adventure.  But I had to know, so I persisted, dressed as quietly as I could and snuck back into the bathroom.  He was still there.  I think maybe he may have moved, but I couldn’t be sure.  So I marked his position indelibly in my mind.  We will see where he winds up as the day progresses.

I know I must wait, because this verse tells me so.

“down came the rain and washed the spider out, out came the sun (well, bathroom fan) and dried up all the rain (it’s still soaking wet in there) and the itsy bitsy spider crawled up the spout again”



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7 thoughts on “The Itsy Bitsy Spider

  1. OMG I hate you for making me look at ugly huge spiders. Spiders terrify me. Seriously. Scarethesh!toutofme scared. AGGHHH. Why is that spider still alive? You’ll regret letting it live later. Shudder.

  2. Um, this borders on the gross and unacceptable. But I was scared out of my wits by a roach in the shower one morning, so I can’t judge. And I would totally have screamed for my husband. Don’t care if he’d be furious. They must. Die.
    P.S. It only takes you 5 minutes to get into the shower after first waking up? Is that some kind of land speed record??

    • If I am getting in the shower that early in the morning (or even at all) there must have been an important reason. And if there was, I was definitely running late!

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