So much time has passed that I don’t expect more than crickets…but before I start
bombarding you with posts writing once in a blue moon, I thought I’d check in.
You may recall that I cried “abandon blog!” almost 3 years ago (actually, it was more like a slowly leaking row-boat).
Frankly, I had lost my will to write because I couldn’t make the outside look pretty when the inside was falling apart.
And trust me, the inside was falling apart. Everywhere. Crumbling, messy, scary and dark.
I was playing at business as usual, when in reality, we had lost our primary source of income, we were losing our home and we were coping with a newly diagnosed learning disability that meant I could no longer homeschool.
All those things. It’s a short list, but covers all the major life changes that you can check off on your depression intake form. Well, I don’t do public depression, I do hiding. I do “drown yourself in work.” I do control control control.
One thing you can’t do when you are living inside of a black hole is be creative. And so I left.
I left creative and created a company (that doesn’t count). A company where I could do the thing I could still be good at. Being smart. I learned to fix and build websites. I learned people needed help with lots of things like social media, and making their images show up correctly, and their site run faster and all the things I could do. Or teach myself to do, or take classes to learn how to do.
But you know what else I did? I never ever gave up hope.
While trying to keep all of the grains of sand contained without losing one single piece I also prayed, and believed that there would be another side.
There would be an end to the stress, an end to the worry. The fact was, the not knowing was the hardest part. I just needed to know when.
Then when happened. One day, we got a letter from the court saying we had 30 days to vacate.
I went to the court, and filed to act as my own attorney when I discovered the latest, in a string of un-ethical slime balls (no offense to the attorneys who aren’t), failed to show up in our defense.
We began frantically searching for a place to rent, with no credit, no down-payment and no steady job to speak of, all the while praying and believing there would be a way.
And then a way happened. An amazing opportunity to rent from people who knew us and wanted tenants for their income property, in the neighborhood I grew up in, happened. (That’s a much longer story, and not quite mine to tell.)
Unbeknownst to everybody but me, we also didn’t really have a way to pay more than 4 months rent.
But I believed, I believed a way would happen and in June, my husband was offered a stable job, in his field, with amazing health benefits. By the time my rent stash ran out, his paycheck was covering the difference.
And remember that part about not being able to homeschool? Well, there is an amazing school, just for kids with Dyslexia, not far from our home. A place I didn’t consider at first because the tuition was an impossibility. But I researched and found that they offer scholarships and so we applied.
This past September, Isaiah went to school for the first time in HIS LIFE. He started 6th grade at a school with 60 other kids, just like him.
Ok, not at all like him. But they all have Dyslexia too.
I began to work full-time.
Okay, Okay…it’s not the end, it’s really the beginning. I would be lying if I said everything was sunshine and roses.
And I’ll write all about the anxiety, stress, and new issues related to our new life, but the fact, is the monkey on my back that resembled King Kong before we found our new home, is gone.
And so I’m back. I started slowly by creating a new Facebook page with my sister Danielle. It’s going to be where all of the new posts live, and lots of fun stuff will happen. It’s called The Stereo Sisters (another long story for another day).
We have done a TON of non-sensical Facebook Live videos, and intend to do more. Maybe some will make sense, who knows.
AND maybe Danielle will even write here sometimes. Although she has to write the first 5,000 pages of her dissertation by August 1st. Did I mention she’s finally going to be the Doctor she always assumed she was?
I’m gonna try to do stuff again, mostly relating to music. Maybe parenting, but I don’t know…parenting a tween is a lot different from life was when I started this blog 9 years ago.
What I do know is I’m ready and if you have stuck around long enough to care, I am happy to see you.
These are the songs that inspired me to write this:
As I wrote this, the title kept making me sing this song. The line “Well I’ve never been to Spain, but I’ve been to Oklahoma, well they tell me I was born there, but I really don’t remember. In Oklahoma, not Arizona, what does it matter?” (get it? Phoenix – Not Arizona?) Listen, because this song is definitely in my top 50. And possibly NEVER made it into a mixtape! What?!
Three Dog Night – Never Been to Spain
And Ironically. Maybe. I don’t know if it’s Ironic (is capitalizing Ironic when you don’t know if it’s Ironic, Ironic?). The impetuous to write this post came from this song I shared earlier on The Stereo Sisters:
Underwhelmed by Sloan – I listened to this song A LOT in ’92. It was considered WAY alternative then. I loved everything about it, especially the lyrics. And yesterday… I realized I also loved the band, because I found the video that followed. Where a little girl named Hilary gets up and sings with them.