8 Years Ago Today

Blistering heat. Like nothing. Not like back when I lived in the armpit desert that was Mesa, Arizona. This is oppressive, heavy, impossible to move. This is Plano, Texas.

Unpacking a car full of too much. Too many diapers, too many onesies, too much baby stuff. But how could I know?

In two days our baby boy will be born. In two days plus two more we will have to bring him to this hotel room, with all of this stuff, live here for two weeks. With no one to help. No one.

A combination of nerves and more nerves have made me the skinniest I’ve ever been. I will be the envy of all new moms when I get home. They will say, “Wow! He’s only 3 weeks old? You look amazing!” If only you knew. The innocent things people say.

8 years ago today. 8 years ago – my boy – my gift from God: My gift, through the most amazing woman ever, came into this world.

We were all so scared, we were all there for each other. We were scared.

Who knew where things would go? How could we know we would all be one big family?

He didn’t want to make his arrival on August 9, 2005, but he had no choice. And so one emergency cesarean later and my beautiful boy was in this world.

I didn’t come to motherhood like so many. I came through phone calls, letters, visits. I came through the glass window, watching, heart racing, scared. But my heart was exploding. Exploding with love for a baby boy I had dreamt about, a baby boy God promised me, a baby boy on the other side of that glass. I wanted to hold him and comfort him. I needed to remind myself he wouldn’t remember the prick on the heel the cold of the scale. I watched, I waited, they gave me the look and he was mine.

We met in a hospital room, you were so teeny tiny and despite reading every book on the planet about babies and parenting for the last 10 months to simulate pregnancy, I was not prepared.

Once they handed you to me, I never put you down. Only when they made us go home at night. I worried for you so much that I couldn’t sleep or eat. Had I given birth to you I wouldn’t have slept at all I am sure. As soon as we were allowed back in, I went to the nursery where we had matching bracelets. And you were in my arms again.

I loved you so much. I thought my heart would explode. I was a bundle of raw nerves and love. I held you in my arms every minute.ย The nurse often offered to take you to the nursery for your nap. I refused. I loved you too much. I was afraid it was too good to be true. I wanted you to know I would never leave you.

Now you are 8. You are 8 today and you made a wish on your impromptu birthday cupcake that your mommy and poppy would always love you. You don’t know what to do when I cry tears of joy, so I didn’t do it today.

I hugged you and I told you your mommy and poppy would always love you, we would love you forever. In classic Isaiah fashion, you told me you saw a movie called Love and Death where the parents stopped loving their boy.

Not EVER I said. Not ever.

 

Happy Birthday Baby Boy….

  • Oh, Happy Birthday to your little guy. Hope he has the best one yet and enjoys his day!!! ๐Ÿ™‚ReplyCancel

  • I love this Jen! Happy birthday to Isaiah. What a lovely birth story ~ thanks for sharing it. ๐Ÿ™‚ReplyCancel

  • Helene Taylor

    Happy Happy Birthday to one of the smartest 8 year olds that I know!!!!ReplyCancel

  • Aw, so beautiful, Jen! You, Isaiah, this piece. He will read this someday and understand tears of joy, because he will have them.ReplyCancel

  • oh WOW! Truly completely amazing wonderful story. My heart is full for you ๐Ÿ™‚ Happy Birthday Isaiah ๐Ÿ™‚ReplyCancel

  • Why is there no LOVE button on here? Happy birthday to a special guy. I hope to meet both of you someday! ๐Ÿ™‚ReplyCancel

  • Aw, Jen…lovely!!ReplyCancel

  • 8 years… wow! Happy birthday to your kiddo! And props to you for being such a good mom all 8 years ๐Ÿ™‚ReplyCancel

  • Happy Birthday sweet child. What joy children bring you no matter how they reach your arms and heart.ReplyCancel

  • Happy Bday to your beautiful boy! Our family grew out of adoption too and we are forever grateful!ReplyCancel

  • Wow, Jen what a great letter to your boy. I hope you print it and save it for when he has his own child. You prove that you don’t have to give birth to give a mommy and poppy. What a wonderful gift you gave your son, to know that you picked him and how awesome that makes him.ReplyCancel

  • Happy Birthday Isaiah! I may be biased, but I think the greatest kids are born in August ๐Ÿ™‚ReplyCancel

  • I’m bawling. Thanks for that and happy, happy, happy birthday to your amazing boy who got exactly the mom he was supposed to forever and ever. I can’t wait to meet him in person one day. Happy birthday, Isaiah! Give your mom a break this week, okay? No matches? She deserves it. And so do you. May you all bask in the amazement that comes from realizing that time flies, even faster than we’d ever realize. Ever.ReplyCancel

  • Aw Jen, this is so beautiful. Happy Birthday to Isaiah!ReplyCancel

  • What a beautiful reflection, Jen! Happy 8th birthday to your bundle of joy. ๐Ÿ™‚ReplyCancel

  • i don’t know if it is PMS or your beautiful writing, but I am in tears. That was so moving, Jen. Really fantastic.ReplyCancel

  • This post is so lovely and perfect and just right. I felt a lump in my throat and a pang in my chest with every word. Beautiful. Happy Birthday to Isaiah!ReplyCancel

  • […] And while Iโ€™m tugging at your heart-strings, let me turn you over for a few minutes to Jen at My Skewed View, who delivers a birth story so poignant Iโ€™m tearing up as I remember it, and I read it more than a week ago: Eight Years Ago Today. […]ReplyCancel

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