Well here’s the dumbest things I ever bought, on second thought I can only take the blame for some of these.  Whether they are actual items, or memberships, either way we spent wasted the money and will NEVER see it again.

I must start with this no brainer ~ EVERY SINGLE TOY IN MY HOUSE THAT MAKES NOISE! Yes, I am yelling.  WHAT WAS I THINKING???  Sorry.  If my son didn’t know how to steal batteries from other household objects I would remove all batteries.  If he was not stealthily following me all over the house, I would throw them away.  I will be sure I am alone, silently tiptoeing towards the back door, hoping to make it to the garbage as my son comes out of nowhere “Where are you going with that?!” “Oh me?  Nowhere, just, uhm, oh this?  I forgot I had it in my hand, I was going to put it away.”  He raises his eyebrows, and looks at me sideways, pulls a Robert DeNiro, “I’ve got my eye on you.”

Then there’s the Slap Chop.  Man, my husband and son watched that infomercial so many times that Isaiah could recite it word for word. There’s some video of that somewhere in the nether-reaches of my computer. They not only drank the kool-aid, they became the kool-aid.  My son made me purchase this for my husband 2 Christmas’s ago, it spends all it’s time in a cabinet, except for the odd moments when my husband must have chopped onions, which I do not do just for fun.  So, that’s basically all the time.

Bedazzler ~ Well, I had the best intentions.  You see I injured my ankle two years ago, and on and off for the past two years I’ve been in a boot.  I had this brilliant idea that I would Bedazzle my boot, and then people would be pounding down my door begging for bedazzled walking-boots.  Yeah, didn’t happen.  Turns out I’m not that talented at using the Bedazzler, and it’s hard to get those dazzles through thick velcro! So, it’s still in my closet, awaiting it’s time to dazzle….someday maybe?

Socks from Wal-Mart Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of things I happily buy at Wal-Mart.  Heck once I happily bought a 12 pack of socks from Wal-Mart.  Over the period of the last 3 months I have unhappily thrown away almost every single pair.   Why would I think these socks would last longer than a month.  Admittedly I have not been using my pedi-egg (although I will not put that on this list cause when I do use it, it’s worth it’s weight in Asian pedicure ladies.)

Buying this dinky thing to cut this one’s mane.  Seriously, what was I thinking?  This dog may be small but she’s got the fur of a full-grown polar bear. This thing didn’t make a dent in her fur, all it did is get caught and make her afraid of everything that buzzed from that point forward.  Very helpful when your intention is to groom your own wee dog, and save yourself 65 buckos every two months.

This case of bottled water ~ may sound strange to you.  But actually, as a family, we are not bottled water drinkers.  We have a Britta and our own water bottles.  But occasionally I get calls to do paid survey’s and yeah, sometimes I fudge a little.  So when they asked if we used bottled water, I said sure.  I mean it’s not like I never drank out of a bottle of water.  Well man, did I ever bite off more than I could chew.  It turned out I was required to document our families consumption of bottled water by photo, video and online diary.  I was to answer questions daily about the various ways we “interacted” with our bottled water AND how we “felt” about it.  WHAT? It’s a bottle of water!  Not a treasured pet! Of course in preparation for this study I bought a case of water.  It is still taking up WAY too much room in our fridge.  And let me say, I lasted one day, and then dropped out of the study.  I also gave them a piece of my mind.  20 minutes a day my arse.

 

My Weight-Watchers membership.  I don’t know if I even need to explain this, but I will.  I AM STARVING TO DEATH! Come on…..how am I supposed to live on their idea of the amount of food I can consume.  This is definitely not the best option for someone who turns into an evil dragon lady when she hasn’t eaten.  Cause let me tell you, that dragon has been rearing her ugly beautiful head an awful lot lately.

I had this great idea to buy these square cork tiles, they would be an attractive way to display Isaiah’s art-work.  A nice way to put up those random photos that escape from my digital camera.  Do you know how many times these have fallen off the wall??!!! Do you know how many times I desperately searched the floor for the push-pins I was sure were on that board, hoping the dogs did not think digesting one seemed like a good idea.  Then forcing treating them to some white bread to hopefully coat the tack I didn’t even know if they ate???  Now I have to keep them, because the little adhesive squares that came with the tiles remove the paint if I try to tear gingerly remove them.

These are the things I wish I never bought.  Do you think I’ve learned my lesson? Yeah, me neither.