the Time I Almost Tweeted John Cusack or When Reality Infiltrates Fantasy

 

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Insomnia will do funny things to your brain. I know. I’ve had a lot of experience with it.

Last night in my insomniatic fugue state I had an imaginary conversation with John Cusack. In my head it all started with a tweet.

@JohnCusack did you ever hang out at No Exit over on Glenwood and Morse?

@JenKehl I did. Why do you ask?

@JohnCusack my friend @sadderbutwiser mentioned your movies and then I wrote a post about No Exit, and realized our paths may have crossed.

At this point we decided to meet for coffee. Or we were talking on the phone. Or maybe we were using a communicator, it’s all a little fuzzy.

John: So you like my movies?

Jen: Sure, I write about it a lot. I don’t want you to think I’m a stalker or anything. I just feel a connection to so many of your characters in your movies, it feels like I know you.

John: So which of my more recent movies do you like?

Jen: Oh, well…I haven’t really seen any of your recent movies.

John: Really? Why not?

Jen: Well, I don’t do drama, or thriller, or twisted, or down right scary. I think the last movie I saw you in was America’s Sweethearts. That was awesome.

John: Wait. You don’t do Dramas or Thrillers? Why not?

Jen:  Well, my dad died at a very formative time in my life. It has made me over empathize with characters so much that I feel much too deeply and can’t enjoy the movie. Basically my Emotional Barometer is broken. I have no desire whatsoever to feel anything but happy when I watch a movie. Life is too short to feel someone else’s pain. And thrillers? You can save those for the sleep-over parties.

John: Well.

Jen: But you know, I would totally watch you in an Action movie. You played a pretty awesome hitman in Grosse Pointe Blank, I totally bought it. It was like a cross between Woody Allen and Bruce Willis. How about you in Red 3? Or if you need the quirkyness you could do some Quentin Tarantino flick that is along the lines of Pulp Fiction or Kill Bill? Because that’s about as intense as I can get.

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Then today. As Serendipity would have it (another favorite John Cusack movie) someone posted a link to an article called 51 Things You’ll Never Hear a Chicagoan Say well of course I had to read it. Imagine my surprise when I saw #19.

John Cusack’s Twitter feed makes him look like a reasonable guy.

Well dang. I follow John on twitter, but I don’t follow him. I decided I would head on over and see exactly what this Chicago expert meant.

Thank you dude who wrote that article. I almost tweeted the anti-thesis of my husband. And if I wanted to be out of the frying pan and into the fire there are a lot of easier ways I could do it.

Like, just jumping into a fire.

I admit it. My husband is a raging conservative. In the sense that almost every conversation we have either starts or ends with politics. Say what you will, it is who we are and how we live. I have no beef with people who do not feel the same way. I am just setting the stage for this:

 

 

Yes. That’s right my friends. John is not Jonathan Trager (Serendipity), Eddie Thomas (America’s Sweethearts) or especially Martin Q. Blank. Nope, he’s your regular, off the wall, hyper-political, super-opinionated, Doppelganger of my husband.

He’s not Rob Gordon, the mixtape expert that I felt so connected with, being a mixtape expert myself. Nope.

He’s my husband.

And if I want to be having a conversation with my husband at 5am, when I can’t sleep, I can just walk out in the kitchen and have one.

And you know what I would say? Quit making so much freaking noise! You wake me up every morning at 5am and then I can’t fall back asleep and I sit in bed thinking up the craziest crap. And you know what? You don’t look anything like John Cusack.

And so. I have two choices. A full memory wipe or I let go of my John Cusack Myth. I choose memory wipe.

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  • I don’t blame you for choosing the memory swipe. If only everything in life were that easy to rewind 🙂ReplyCancel

  • I loved this and I have had a serious maddening crush on Cusack since, oh well, I was 13ish. 😉

    But when I started following him on Twitter years ago, I was stunned with how political and opinionated he was. I liked reading him but it was “a lot”

    hey I still like him, and I choose to love him in the Runaway Jury, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil and Sixteen Candles for better or worse.

    it’s interesting to see actors we just adore turn into real people (with LOTS of opinions isn’t it? )ReplyCancel

    • Jennifer Kehl

      I still have a huge crush on him. It’s just weird that he is so much like my husband. I guess that means I chose right?ReplyCancel

  • Ha! I’m so happy (relieved?) to hear that I’m not the only person this happens to. Most recently, I had a similar encounter with Loki. Not Tom Hiddleston (though I wouldn’t mind that one bit)…but freakin’ Loki. I woke up ready to check myself into an asylum.ReplyCancel

    • Jennifer Kehl

      Isn’t that funny Kelly? It happens so much, but this one was definitely worthy of a blog post!ReplyCancel

  • Jessica Herndon Worgul

    Hilarious. The most recent Cusack movie I watched is Hot Tub Time Machine. Every time Serendipity is on TV, I watch that. ReplyCancel

  • You stand strong girl! I (Mathair) am a republican as well, as is all my family! Inion, used to be what I would call….a moderate liberal! That was moons ago though! She just registered last election, Republican! We do not mix politics with our business, only because of the impossible debates that would spawn from such mingling! So we keep all our networking sites, religion & political free! I admire your stance & courage to speak your mind. As for John Cusack, Inion is a massive fan of the mans acting (bit of a crush on him)! We we’re surprised when a year ago, we got a tweet from him! NO FREAKING JOKE! It said: Bad Ass Tagline! That was it, she was finished!! He liked our book’s tagline & tweeted it!! when she responded her thanks, he sent another. Good luck!
    So yeah, he’s a pretty regular guy & when we looked him up & checked him out, he is a conservative! Great postReplyCancel

    • Jennifer Kehl

      Thank you Mathair! And I am soooooo jealous! I don’t live far from where he grew up and keep thinking I might run into him one day! My favorite Librarian actually double dated with him for their prom! Ahhhhh!!!
      Also we have something else in common, my sister and I write together too!ReplyCancel

  • I would totally go with the memory wipe, because seriously could use one now myself, because always had a bit of a crush on John Cusack and knowing this kind of depresses me just a bit. So memory wipe for all of us!ReplyCancel

    • Jennifer Kehl

      LOL Janinie. Memory wipe it is!ReplyCancel

  • Debra Cole

    LOL Jen! And FWIW, I am also completely over-empathetic when it comes to movies, and my dad is completely alive. So, maybe we;re just weirdos. 🙂 go team weirdo!ReplyCancel

  • Sarah Shaw Almond

    I guess I should message you about the movies I pick up more often, huh? 😉 HA HA-Cusack rocks, that is all. 😀ReplyCancel

  • Deanna Herrmann

    Lol! Omg I loved this! I totally don’t follow his tweets. They are ranty and political, but I still choose to see Lloyd Dobbler. 😕ReplyCancel

  • Don’t let ANYTHING disturb the John Cusack dream. Ever. 😉ReplyCancel

  • Don’t let him go. Ever. Just pretend it never happened 🙂ReplyCancel

    • Jennifer Kehl

      LOL Sandy. No worries, it’s already done!ReplyCancel

  • Katy Wolfe Brandes

    Ah, dang! I’m married to a Ronald Reagan worshiper, too, but didn’t know J.C. was just like him. My image of Hoops McCann is forever changed! I have to let go of the myth.ReplyCancel

  • I lurrvvee Grosse Point Blank. One of my faves of his. But do you sometimes feel like he’s just playing a looser version of himself in all his movies? I mean, that’s what I like about him. But yes, the Twitter just forced in reality, so I’m going to ignore it. Like I do anything that makes me unhappy. 🙂ReplyCancel

    • Jennifer Kehl

      LOL Miss. I guess I wished he was playing a looser version of himself, now I’m not so sure.ReplyCancel

  • The Bloggess tweeted me…so there’s that…and I died.ReplyCancel

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